If you’re reading this, you either can feel deeply the word “fierce” or you want to understand someone you care about. When I say fierce daughters of narcissist mothers, you are meeting someone who never signed up for the life they’ve been handed. And yet they… WE survive and are STRONG.

Though, you know that fierce is also what you didn’t choose and also comes at a cost.

As I mention in my previous post, Benefits of Narcissist Abuse, we ACoNs (Adult Children of Narcissists) have assets that we use and can honestly say are a “perk”.

Consider yourself invited to join in this discussion because this is for you and for those looking in from the outside

No pity.

Rather bringing awareness in a culture that likes to persecute those wanting what they deserve – to live in peace.

And while there are legit issues with any child of a narcissist of either father or mother, I’m limiting the topic for today. But please feel free to share your story in comments below.

INDEPENDENT

While there are daughters and sons of narcissist mothers, there is a different role assigned to each. Inherently, the daughter is a threat to her mother.

Even from birth.

Yep, no questions asked, no plot over time, just BAM.

Learning that one person you innately are driven to trust becomes the person that causes her to distrust anyone.

The daughter hands trust out lightly and has very few inner-circle people.

While at the same time she is excruciatingly hopeful, seeing the good in people despite the glaring toxic traits.

That’s because of the “narc training” I call it. Gaslighting is the norm and so it’s her fault and therefore that person “didn’t mean it”.

In turn, fierce daughters of narcissist mothers become highly resilient. Forced to carry burdens and function with a smile pasted hiding the pain.

In addition, resourcefulness is the name of the game.

Whether it’s financial or life-altering decisions, she’s left fending for herself.

Truthfully, I find that a strength I tap into because no one can be trusted except my Lord in heaven.

Maybe you find that sad, and I understand. Except consider what happens when you open yourself up only to be cut down s.l.o.w.l.y eating at your very being in the game a covert narcissist likes to play.

And even consider those unsuspecting folk she’s so slyly and cleverly adding to her team.

The “narc training” happens below radar and if you should buck the system, you are subject to DARVO ¹:

• DENY – “that never happened” causing you to question your own reality
• ATTACK – a rage explosion consisting of accusations that you’re “too sensitive”, “crazy” or deflect with bringing up your past failures.
• REVERSE VICTIM AND OFFENDER – the checkmate move… they become the victim because you brough to light their offense.

EMOTIONS

Not only is the daughter bestowed wickedly strong independence, but also an emotional radar that supersedes any comic book superpower.

The ability to read a room BEFORE a blink shows her training includes the ability to track the minutest change in anyone’s tone or expression.

This means safety to her nervous system.

In case you don’t know narcissists are known for their eyebrows. There are numerous studies where a subject sees only the eyes, including the eyebrows, to determine whether a person is a narcissist or not. ²

I unknowingly learned to read people by their eyebrows along with other facial traits, mannerisms and tone. My body even responds so much so I don’t even realize it at first.

I’m learning to feel EVERYTHING to heal as much as possible from C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Syndrome) from my toxic family and neurodivergent marriage.

[maybe at this point you’re looking in the mirror? haha]

I get it.

Just know that if you ever wonder if you are truly a narcissist, that’s the ticket to understanding you are not. ³

Narcissists are not capable of self-reflection.

BUILDING WALLS

What the daughter learns in pain creates strength in setting boundaries once her eyes clearly see what she lives.

Maybe you’re like me and the revelation happens later in life and you hear, “but she’s your mother”.

Her boundaries become clear as well as her true support system.

If she takes a stand, she quickly sees who has her back and who leaves her solitary.

What is more, her training includes deep self-reflection.

Always checking to see if she’s part of the problem while also aiming to do the best she can.

That’s because she REFUSES to be a person that denies fault and cause others pain.

Not only that, but her intense sense of fairness comes from growing up in an unfair home.

Countless times I was punished along with my siblings though I had nothing to do with the offense.

The life of a Scapegoat is such.

Now her DEEP empathy allows her to defend others because she has felt every dismissal, mockery, and she wants to protect those suffering.

BREAKING THE CYCLE

With fierce determination you are breaking the cycle.

You choose words wisely and are attune to your own children because the generation after you will never know the depths of despair you have to face.

YOU DESERVE BETTER.

It’s now, your time.

You are using your traits carved from pain to powerfully survive and insist it will never happen in your lifetime that someone else suffers.

Instead of cowering to an unhealthy person, you stand your ground, you persevere.

You go no contact. (see bottom of post of how)

There is no time better than the present to finally put yourself first.

It’s not selfish though every bone in your body will scream otherwise.

You have a Savior that is your support and is waiting to rescue you – Jeremiah 29:11.

When I asked the “why” of choosing a spouse that would treat me in those ways, Christ revealed everything to me.

I know the trials of this life are temporary.

I yearn for the applause I will receive one day when I meet my Creator, and you will too.

SHARE

Do take a minute to share as I don’t write this for a pity party. I write to speak out so others will find their voice. We can make a difference in embracing who we are as fierce daughters of narcissist mothers. You are not alone.

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Resources

1. What is the DARVO Tactic, and How Can We Respond?
2. Eyebrows Cue Grandiose Narcissism
3. What is I think I have NPD – Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

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