Enough is enough.
I’m sure you’re familiar with that phrase and maybe it really resonates with you.
If that’s the case, then this post is for you.
The question, however, is, WHEN is “enough is enough” something you need to live by when it comes to toxic people – even family.
For each person, that answer will vary, of course, but maybe you’re at a crossroads and want to know how much you should allow and where do you draw the line?
To be honest, I am still learning that myself as I share in all my Life Updates. However, I’m seeing immense growth within myself, and my children and I feel that my experiences will help others forging a new path.
While I am sharing my own thoughts today, I invite you to leave any processes or information in comments below that has aided you in your own walk.
Let’s do this together.
THE DOOR
Before I close the door, I knock a thousand times.
[truth bomb] When I read that statement it hit like a thousand bricks.
Let’s break it down.
First, there is a door that is OPEN.
I define that as I’m looking for a mutually beneficial relationship. I don’t force my way in nor demand to be let in. By doing this, I’m allowing my highly empathetic self to allow others into my life with the hopes that there is potential along with respect. Additionally, there is the assumption the other person is of the same mind. A sort of invitation to join me or “let’s do this together”.
Second, there is a closing of that door, potentially.
However, the door isn’t completely closed until I’ve knocked a thousand times.
Why knock a thousand times? Why not just close the door in the first place?
What, in your mind, would qualify as a reason to close the door to the person you’ve been investing in?
In the past, I was HIGH on hopium and fall in love, essentially, with someone’s potential completely blinded by the red flags what would pop up. That being a result of being raised by a narcissist mother, then followed by marrying a person who replicated those behaviors.
It’s all I knew.
Likewise, I gave more than the benefit of the doubt by telling myself, “Maybe they’re just dealing with hard times” or “Maybe if I keep trying harder to please them it’ll get better”.
That’s a surefire way to lose yourself and forget who you are.
YOU DESERVE BETTER.
STOP KNOCKING
At what point do you stop knocking?
Maybe you’ve typically knocked a thousand times, but now you’re learning, you’re healing, and you no longer ache for approval and rather value your own self higher than before.
That is a sign of true healing.
In recent months, I have set a few boundaries with individuals, which was hard for me to do. I felt selfish for requesting a few basic limitations and it caused anxiety for me to stand firm with them.
But you know what? Those limitations were for my own peace and safety.
This is my way of “knocking” on that open door.
Without much time passing, those limitations I set were ignored. And with each instance, my “knocks” are fewer and fewer until that door closes by the other person revealing my value in their eyes.
My value to ME is of foremost importance.
Have you ever watched someone die before your very eyes?
I’m not speaking of a physical death, but rather a death of a relationship.
It’s a revelation of sorts that brings extreme sadness paired with a deep solace. You can see them for who they are, who they choose to be, and where you fit into their lives.
You let them.
And that’s a step to allowing yourself to feel because you can’t make a person want to change. If they truly value you, your requests are considered or at the very least, an apology offered if they step out of bounds.
So honestly, now, my knocking no longer consists of a thousand knocks.
Those red flags no longer take a back seat to false potential but rather wave clearer and clearer every day.
I want that for you too.
And it is okay if you have to walk away from relationships or people that just don’t see your value.
I’ll say it again… YOU DESERVE IT.
SHARE
If you’re at the point of enough is enough, you’re not alone. By sharing our stories, we can hold the hand of those needing someone who’s been there, who’s aching for better. Now it’s your time to share (please remember this is a public post – feel free to email privately). Leave a comment below as well as pin and share for others needing a voice.
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While you’re at it, here are some other posts for you along with enough is enough:
That was a wonderful post Larissa, and so well said! i know you are helping many people by sharing your journey💗
Thank you so much, Sheryl, for being a light in my day.
You amaze me!
Knocking a thousand times doesn’t take into consideration what that does to the person doing the knocking. My knuckles get sore somewhere the third knock.
There are a lot of people walking around having lost parts of themselves by repeatedly attempting to change someone who sees no need for change, or who knows what they are and refuse to take the journey to being a better person. Im happy that you are regaining that which was lost and are sharing it with us.
Heavenly Father, bless Larissa on her journey. Give her an extra measure of wisdom, and compassion for herself and others. In Jesus’ name I pray.
I hope I wasn’t out of line sharing my prayer for you.
Maggie
Prayers are coveted not only for me, but for those reading this as that’s who it’s for. I’m past the heavy knocking years ago, but I can resonate with the statement above. Far too many caring, loving, empathetic people are taken advantage of and don’t value themselves enough. Thank you, Maggie.
I know you know how much this post resonates. Thank you for sharing this rather timely post 🙏🏻
I like your door knocking analogy. Mine is that if I am always expected to bring something, give something, perform something, or silence parts of myself in order to earn a seat at the table, then I’m at the wrong table. Took me many decades to see that one!
Yess… I know I will never outgrow that training but can lessen the quick reaction to it, anyway. Seeing that is HUGE!! Hugs, Marie.
I understand what you’re saying here. Very well said. I think over the years what I learned is that i must have grace for others, because i require grace for myself. And I must forgive, seventy times seven as Christ himself taught. Forgiveness heals me. It’s just the way God created it to work. But that also does not mean that I forget, or am necessarily to remain in a particular relationship. On the other hand, sometimes I am required to remain, at least for a season. Whatever it is God is calling me too. Looking back over my life I realize I did not fully rely on the Lord for whatever he may have wanted to do in that particular relationship, or relationships. Thank God for his forgiveness as I see where I’ve fallen short. I have also been relieved of my duties in a particular relationship where I tried and tried and was crapped on over and over. The day the Lord told me it was ok to walk away, I did not knock on that door anymore. In short, I am still learning that sometimes I will be called to situations and relationships that aren’t the best, and then I must lean on the Lord and ask what is my role. Everything is for his glory and purpose.
As for the relationships that have scarred and I allowed to mess me up, I am healing. Thru the Holy Spirit and holy word. Also there are some great books out there to help learn how to rewire your brain. Dr Caroline Leafs book Cleaning up Your Mental Mess has taught me a new way of living. How to think the correct way, even over hard memories of things done to me. It doesnt change what happened, but it changes how I perceive it and how I live with it. It’s an amazing book that truly helps heal.
I hope my words are coming across well here. Because I am not saying other peoples poor behavior gets a pass. And I’m not saying yours or my hard things are no big deal.
They are! So big, and God wants to heal us so we are everything he’s created us to be and do. And He definitely does not want me ruminating over things incessantly. Thats a loop straight from hell. He desires to heal, and set us on a new path for the Kingdom.
In Christ, Donna
You are right, Donna. Grace is a gift, indeed. Sounds like you’re finding your way and THE WAY will lead you to where you need to be. We all have different paths that lead us to choices and am thankful for strength that our own best interests are allowed to be served. Here’s to healing!
This is such an important subject. I wish that I had such knowledge 40+ years ago! I came to learn these lessons the hard way…so much pain. Unfortunately, so many of my lessons were learned within my church family. Eventually, I stopped knocking. In the end, I learned my true value to people…and my value to the one who loves me truly, Jesus. I could write books! I am grateful for all of the painful lessons. I have fewer people in my life but they are genuine and there is peace. It is wonderful that your lessons are teaching your children to have healthier relationships in their lives. Toxic cycles will be broken. God is good! 🩷
You and I are in a similar hindsight situation in more ways than one. Dale, I’m so glad you are finding your way and making your own path. All.the.time.